Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Randomize
