Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
You are the jesus of drinking
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
