Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Randomize
