just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
