So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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