I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
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