you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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