I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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