I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Go christen that room with your naked body.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
