I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
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