best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Randomize
