Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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