Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
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