double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
