How'd it feel making her break her religion?
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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