Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Randomize
