Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
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