the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Randomize
