Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize