Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
