I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Oh god it's open bar.
Randomize
