I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
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