Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
