It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
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