Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
