Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
i think im in europe. pls send help
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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