Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
