i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
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