break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize