My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
