i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
