Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
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