dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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