we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
I think I died a long time ago.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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