And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Randomize
