If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Randomize
