the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Randomize