Capitaan dildo arrescate!
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
