honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
