Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
