Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
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