where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
go do what you do best...puke behind churches
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
