you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
