Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
My bed smells like the plague
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
