I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Randomize
