Can Purell be used as lube?
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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