Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
