Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Randomize
