bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
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