so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
there is puke in my bra ... again
Randomize