Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
