Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
