Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Randomize
