nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Randomize
