96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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