Having a random hookup so left but love u
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Randomize