You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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