her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
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