He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
even my farts smell like vagina
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
