i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Randomize
