I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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