I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize