Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
