just tell him i said nine months
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
