you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
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