i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Randomize
