I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
