somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
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