Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
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