I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
