I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
