There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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