My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
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