So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
