Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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