Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize